I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
