Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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