all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
