How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
