As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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