brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
