doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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