my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
