Screwed.edu
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
