I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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