STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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