You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
