i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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