Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
this just has baby written all over it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
