Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
