i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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