You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
