I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
