She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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