Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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