woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
