she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
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