I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
