I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
