awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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