Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
