So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
