You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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