I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
