i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
