If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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