So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
