I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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