Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
