Cold hands, warm shart.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
YAS. BRING CRAB.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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