This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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