I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
