im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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