I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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