My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
