it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
