WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
