we have officially mastered the walk of shame
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
