I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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