I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
