your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
