is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
