She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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