Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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