I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
