My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Help. Why am I so naked?
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