I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
