my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
my poor anus
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
