Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Can you bring me the toilet please
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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