Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
