At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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