Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize