What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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