he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
