My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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