Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
wow bdsm is so cute
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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