Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
