Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
