Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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