Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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